Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, by Maureen Dowd

You have to hand it to Maureen Dowd, op-ed columnist for the New York Times. She definitely knows how to create an eye-catching book title. Yes, many women have asked this question over the years, so why not create a book to explore the issue?

Dowd states up front that this is not a systematic treatise on gender issues, but simply her thoughts and observations. I appreciate the disclaimer, because the book does feel choppy and disjointed at times. Yet, if one is expecting that, then it makes it the easier to encounter. Dowd is the queen of one-line zingers and pithy pronouncements. I appreciated the laughs and thoughts that were created by them throughout the book. Some favorites -

"...women move from playing with Barbie to denouncing Barbie to remaking themselves as Barbie."

"Whether or not American feminism will be defeated by American conservatism, it is incontrovertibly true that American feminism was trumped by American narcissism."

"From my own unscientific sampling, I think it's far rarer for women to ask men to read their stuff than it is for men to ask women to read their stuff. Poor Condi Rice couldn't even get George W. Bush to read her presentation of his foreign policy goals in Foreign Affairs magazine during his 2000 campaign."

"In sport and war, the big fear of men is to be feminized. In the workplace, the big fear of women is to be diabolized."

"Women are affected by lunar tides only once a month; men have raging hormones every day."

Dowd is of the age to have lived through and experienced the feminist revolution, and to see the pendulum swing back. She understands that the feminist rhetoric of the 70s and 80s is ancient history to many of today's young women and men. While many strides have taken place, women are spending more time, money and effort on "trying to look like Barbie" than seeking equality and opportunity on par with men. Dowd also offers observations on women who are trying to use their intellect and natural gifts, and find themselves without a family or partner in life. The stats for professional women over 35 who have families (or will have) are dim - at a time when many of these women would like to do so. The chapter after Dowd glorifies the sexiness of an intellectual male, she bemoans the scarcity of men available for successful women. I would like to ask her why a "successful" woman has to have a man who is on par or more successful than she is. Men have married less educated, less professional women for years - and many have found happiness. Does feminism not include a woman broadening her horizons, looking for men who might not have a Harvard MBA, but might be very genuine, true, supportive, and proud of a "successful, professional" wife? Dowd is correct that feminism is about having options - but we shouldn't limit what those options are. (And yes, there are men out there proud to be married to a woman who is seen as more successful than they are.)

Another interesting aspect of Dowd's book was how successful women are only likable after taking a fall (Hillary, Martha, etc.) I had not thought about this - but how true! Only after public humiliation can an intelligent, highly successful woman find a likability factor. Perhaps Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter really is the great American novel, after all.

Throughout the book, Dowd not only offers her own insights, she also gleans information from science (about that elusive Y chromosone and its degredation), politics (both sides take a hitting, which I respect), and societal culture. It is an honest book, capable of producing much conversation. The ending is thin - she could have wrapped up her thoughts more succinctly and powerfully. For people interested in gender issues, I recommend a read. It's not the ultimate feminist treatise, but it is thought-provoking reading. B-

King Kong - the movie

Well, I believe it is official that I have seen more movies this year than I have in the last 12 years (at the theater, that is). My parents took the kids for a couple days, so Hubby suggests we catch an afternoon flick. He really wanted to see King Kong. I wasn't too keen on it - it's about a big ape, for goodness sake!

Everyone knows the storyline. A filmmaker (Carl) wants to shoot a film at a previously uncharted and unknown island, Skull Island. In this version, he finds an unsuspecting actress for this role (Ann); travels with her, the screenwriter (Jack), the production crew and the sailing crew to this mysterious, primeval island. The woman is sacrificed by the natives to the giant ape, ape falls in love, is captured and brought back to NYC as a circus act. Yet, he escapes and dies on the Empire State Building, to the tears and heartbreak of Ann.

I went expecting an action movie. However, 15 minutes into the movie (being devoted to character development and background storylines), I thought - this might be more than just an adventure movie. Con artist Carl even lays it out clearly - the movie he is making is not an action movie - it is a movie about traveling to the primeval beginnings. This statement juxtaposed with the young cabin boy who is reading The Heart of Darkness tells the theme clearly. This is a movie about making that journey to the heart of who we are, about the dichotomies within each one of us. Carl is the sleezy film-maker who cannot help but destroy what he loves. He sees the good and the beauty around him, but cannot keep his greed from destroying it. Ann is a Vaudeville comedian, but her heart is filled with sadness and a fear of hope. Jack is the classic hero who only wants to write, but is compelled to be a man of action. Kong is alone, the last of his kind; but is reaching out for another, for community.

Director and producer Peter Jackson shows that the Lord of the Rings trilogy was no fluke. He is a gifted filmaker. His use of CGI technology creates some spectacular action scenes. Yet, it is his gift for story, for creating interesting and engaging characters, for revealing the details - that is what makes a really good movie. I am glad that he has gone beyond the step of LOTR evil/good split. King Kong is a movie where evil and good, laughter and sadness, action and contemplation, isolation and relationship - all reside within each one of our hearts. The actors were solid, the story was good, and the movie remains with you and with your thoughts after leaving the theater.

The movie wasn't perfect - it could have been more subtle at times, fleshed out the relationships a touch more, and deleted 5-7 minutes of the big animal fight scenes. Yet, the journey to the heart of darkness revealed what we should learn - we can rise beyond the most primitive part of ourselves and move to a higher plane. We can be more than we realize we are. Thank goodness it was not just a movie about a big ape. A-

Gaoming Welfare Agency Annual Fund

Our wonderful daughter was adopted at age nine months from China, more specifically Gaoming Welfare Agency. Gaoming is in Southern China (a climate like southern Florida), and the Welfare Agency was a welcoming and warm place. The staff with whom we interacted obviously loved our daughter and were excited for her to have a new home. In this picture, you can see the baby room - a room our daughter knew well before she came to her new home with us.

The families who have adopted from Gaoming (over 200 of us in the States) are connected together through the internet. We have a great Gaoming Family website. Each year before the Chinese New Year (usually end of January, early February), we have a fundraiser to purchase needed items for the Welfare Agency. This is always done in conjunction with the director, Mr. Li, so we make sure we get what they need most. In the past, we have purchased industrial sized sterilizers, dishwashers, air conditioning units. This year, they need baby formula the most. We are hoping to raise over $2000 to purchase formula for the entire year. Our money is channeled through Love Without Boundaries. Please click here to make a donation for this wonderful cause, and make sure to in the comments section to type Gaoming Nutrition.

Top 2005 Picks

At the request of my friend Margaret, I am going to pretend I am Stephen King, paid by Entertainment Weekly to give my top picks at the end of each year. So here is my top 10 multimedia list! (will contain books, movies, songs, etc.)

1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by JK Rowling. I still haven't made up my mind, but this may end up being my favorite of the series thus far (supplanting book 3). I just can't get enough of HP and JK.

2. Pride and Prejudice - the movie. I was so skeptical when I heard they were doing another version of my favorite book ever. It is an incredible adaption - the most sensual interpretation of the book ever. True to the book in its essence, but in a new and wonderful way.

3. Skinny Dip by Carl Hiassan - a truly fun read - lots of humor, mystery, romance, stupidity by guys, and memorable characters.

4. Memories of Us by Keith Urban - a beautiful song that helps one appreciate being in the moment with our life partner (especially if it's during a day when he keeps finding new ways to embarrass me!)

5. American Idiot by Green Day - simply the best CD I have heard in a long, long time. A CD that is about issues important to our lives, our country and to the world. The music is rockin', the lyrics couldn't be any better, and I don't have to be ashamed to like the same songs my 11 year old likes.

6. Since U Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson - I have watched American Idol once - when I was at the beach with Walker and she made me suffer through an episode (but hey, I got to stay at her place for free that week, so it was worth the cost!). Yet, this first American Idol has had some rockin' songs this year - with this one being her best by far. Makes a girl feel she is better off by far without a boy who will drag her down instead of building her up.

7. Gilmore Girls - on the WB Channel. A show that has been on for a few years, and one of the very few shows I make a point to watch. This has been its best season yet. If you haven't watched, get on the website, catch up on past episodes (or watch reruns on Family Channel), and come along for a great ride!

8. Chef at Home - Discovery Home channel - a sexy Canadian guy that cooks up great meals for his family right from his home. Wouldn't every woman want to be this lucky?

9. French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano - mistaken as a diet book, but truly a lifestyle book. Those pages that have such wonderful ideas for being more healthy also have great insight into the American as consumer.

10. Real Sex by Lauren Winner - The author of Girl Meets God attempts to deal with sex from her faith perspective. It's not a perfect book by any means, and it is spotty in its theological understanding - but I appreciate the attempt to deal in a serious way with a topic that pervades our society, and often in an unhealthy manner. Very thought-provoking.

B4B entry - when loving food pays off...

This is a blogging for books entry. Check out Joshilyn Jackson's site for more info!


I readily admit it - I was an egg-head. My childhood and teen years were filled with books, church, Girl Scouts, my family, and a few select friends who didn't care that I was really a prototype for Hermoine Granger. I loved school.

Mrs. Wagner, my 8th grade teacher, was one of my favorites. At the end of class one day, she called me to her desk and showed me a brochure about a summer camp. I had only been to church camp. This new camp lasted three weeks at Mars Hill College and was a "gifted and talented camp" - or nerd camp, as many of us affectionately came to call it.

Nerd camp changed my life. I went for three straight summers. I realized I wasn't really that weird or unusual. There were many other smart girls who liked to sit around and giggle; tall, good-looking boys who liked smart girls; and professors who encouraged us to dream in big ways.

I was an old pro by my third year there. I remember the Sunday afternoon registration. I was chatting with my buddy, Anne, and checking out the new arrivals. One girl arrived with her sister and mom in tow. They were all wearing their church dresses - cute, dropped waisted items I bet her mom had sewn. They carried her clothes and bedding into her room, and then returned to the car to bring in lots of food items - many of them looking homemade. I turned to Anne and said, "We need to get to know this girl!"

LM and I became quick friends - and not just because she shared her food and clothes with me! It turned out she lived about 30 minutes away from me and attended a rival high school (unlike most of the other campers who lived all over the state and Southeast). At camp that summer, she documented with pictures my first big love (a very smart, handsome and tall tennis player). She was my main shoulder on which to cry when camp was over and my love was 7 hours downstate. We met at the mall to shop on the weekends. We met at the Thomas Wolfe Memorial to drool over our favorite author and bemoan how we couldn't wait to leave this town behind. (Yes, I have missed that town so much in recent months, and LM still lives there!) We even talked our English teachers into planning a joint field trip 3 hours downstate! LM's mom and sister made my senior prom dress (a gorgeous dropped waisted, stylish tea-length gown). LM had the same gown that year - just in a different color and fabric.

Our lives have gone in many different directions. I married soon after college (with LM as my honor attendant), had children, and a life that centers around the home and church. LM flies all over the country, doing pr and production work, and dating quite a selection of various men. She is our daughter's godmother. LM treats my children like her own, and they are substitute grandchildren for her parents. When my Mom recently turned 60, LM organized the party and had everything planned (thank heavens - I couldn't have pulled it off without her after my foot surgery!).

The lives we lead vary in many ways. We might even go a couple months without a phone call or email. Yet, just like a sister, when we do talk or see each other - it's like family. Time disappears, and we are just who we are - Rio and LM, two nerdy girls.

LM's mom still makes homemade goodies for me. My eye for good food has certainly paid off these 22 years!

Courageous Spirit

1955 was a momentous year. My mom was 10 years old, growing up with her preacher father and stay-at-home mother. The era was marked by women fulfilling household duties like cleaning, cooking and childrearing - all while wearing a beautiful dress with a full skirt. (At least that's what tv portrayed.) Whereas 10 years earlier, many women had been in the workplace to help with the war effort, now women were expected to care for the family and disregard any other callings in life.

Yet, in this same year, the Methodist Church (which was then the largest Protestant denomination in the US) voted to give women full clergy rights. Women had been preaching since the time of Jesus (and before). A number were very important evangelists and spiritual leaders in the Methodist church since its conception. However, they were not allowed to be ordained. It still amazes me (knowing the opposition I have faced 40-50 years later) that the majority of delegates (most of whom were men) at our General Conference actually voted to give women full clergy rights. The Spirit of God does move in mysterious, and wonderful, ways.

A book has just been published celebrating this event and the last 50 years - Courageous Spirit: Voices from Women in Ministry. It is a collection of essays, prayers, reflections and stories by women who have lived in ministry in the United Methodist Church. I am honored to say that they chose to include an essay I wrote, "I always wanted to be Julia Sugarbaker." You'll have to pick up the book to read it!

I am looking forward to the next 50 years!

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - the movie

Well, a miracle occurred last week. I made it to two movies at the theatre. For a person who goes about once every 3 or 4 months, it was some kind of week.

Most of you know I am an avid HP fan. I have anxiously been awaiting the movie, and have perused each and every Entertainment Weekly in recent months in hopes of a tidbit about the movie. So, family and I went to a full house showing Friday afternoon. I was hesitant to take 8 year old Princess due to the PG-13 rating and the fact that I knew exactly what would happen. But - like most other parents, I figured, "Oh, well." It did scare her a little, but she seems fairly unscathed.
As for the movie, I was not disappointed. They took a well over 700 page book and turned it into a 120 page script. I assumed Hermione's fight on behalf of house-elf rights would be left out, as well as a number of little special touches that JK always adds. I was correct. I also expected the compression of some parts of the story. I must say that they did a great job turning such a sprawling and full story into this very enjoyable movie. The only part I wish they had left in - Mrs. Weasley. Molly was not to be found in the movie. In the book, she truly becomes a surrogate mother for Harry - supporting him in his challenges, letting him know that he is not alone, and comforting him upon the awful death at the end of the Tri-Wizards Challenge. It reminded us that Harry was still a 14 year old boy, and how much he needed a family - something Molly and her brood were always more than willing to provide for him.

However, with that one exception, I found no fault in the movie. They represented the characters and the magical events quite close to my own imagination. Even Voldemort was close to the description in the novel (not an easy task, but of course Ralph Feinnes was up to the job). The casting was great - from Cedric the Golden Boy (what girl wouldn't swoon?) to flamboyant, devious Rita Skeeter.

For those of us who have read the novel, we know that it begins and ends with tragic killings by Voldemort, particularly the end of the novel. I remember reading the book the day after Thanksgiving a few years ago, reaching the death scene at the end of the Challenge, and sobbing for quite some time. The world is up against great evil, and JK does not shy away from that in the story-telling. I was afraid I would come away from the movie depressed after dealing with such subject matter. Yes, I did tear up once again towards the end of the movie - but the screenplay was done in such a wonderful way - the movie was very balanced. The majority of the middle part of the movie was filled with great humor, adventure, action, and even romance. I laughed for much of the movie. For some great laughs, I particularly loved Harry's bathtub scene with Moaning Myrtle (poor kid!), the study session with Snape (no - I do not call him Professor either), and Mad-Eye Moody's various antics (especially his "teaching" of Draco Malfoy).

The part I most anxiously awaited was the night of the Yule Ball. Who wouldn't love the night when the brainy egg-head, ignored by boys, is instead beautiful and envied by all? The movie perfectly captured the euphoria, angst, and complete despair that a teen dance always brings. I felt like I had gone back in time 20 years (and was yet thankful those days are over for me!).

And being the parent of a beautiful girl of Chinese descent, I anxiously awaited the first appearance of Cho Chang. One look at Cho and everyone knew why Harry was so smitten and barely articulate in her presence. I look forward to seeing more of that wonderful delight.

The movie has driven me back to the book once again - I am currently on the fifth chapter. That's what a really great movie will do. My grade - A-

GREAT NEWS!

Guess what I read in Parade today? It is a fact that chocolate chip cookie dough actually does have less calories than dough that has been baked into a cookie. Who knew that baking added calories? There is a God!!

Pride and Prejudice - the movie

I first read Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice when I was in junior high. I have since read all of her works numerous times - P & P probably around 15 times. Austen is my favorite author. Each word, each line, is turned so perfectly and conveys so much - it is simply genius. She understands human nature, and can convey her sharp observations like no one else.

About 10 years ago, the BBC and A & E first aired their 5 hour miniseries of P & P, staring Jennifer Ehle and Colin Firth. Yes, this was when my great love for CF first began. I was so excited to see the miniseries and hoped it would live up to the book. Amazingly, it did. 5 hours gave it the time to cover the subject matter and the scope of the story as it should. I was thrilled. And I have lost count of how many times I have watched that miniseries.

So when I first heard last spring that a new movie version (only 2 hours no less!) was coming to the big screen, I was doubtful. I had no doubts about Keira Knightly - she and Scarlett Johannson are without a doubt the two best young actresses to have come along in many years. Yet, could a 2 hour movie accurately convey the heart of the story; could it portray much beloved characters? And would any man ever supplant Colin Firth as the ultimate Mr. Darcy?

So on Wednesday I dragged my husband and two kids to see Pride and Prejudice. (The kids had already seen Harry Potter with my parents last weekend, so this was the first order of business at a movie theatre for me.) The theatre was filled was estrogen. I did see a couple other men and made sure to point them out to Hubby.

I expected some fairly large changes in the plot - characters and scenes which must necessarily be written out or compressed due to the time frame. This was true. Even though the story was compressed, it remained true to the spirit and the essence of Austen's Pride and Prejudice. The main characters were portrayed faithfully. I especially appreciated that Knightly was able to play Elizabeth Bennett as the 20/21 year old girl she was. We tend to think of her as a more refined woman, who would occasionally go walking through the mud or laugh a lot. Knightly brought out the youthfulness and impulsivity (which can lead to prejudicial judgments) of Elizabeth.

One thing I particularly appreciated about the movie was its portrayal of the Bennett household and the society. Many of us have idealized this time period in a very sanitized, orderly manner. (And yes, I will keep that vision in my heart and brain as well.) Yet, I truly enjoyed the messiness and chaos the movie represents. In the midst of such chaos, one could see how a reserved Mr. Darcy is seen as proud and arrogant.

And Matthew McFayden as Mr. Darcy? McFayden is a hottie British actor who portrayed the central character in the BBC spy drama, MI-5. He was great in that role. He combined steel with gentleness, much as he combined reserve with supressed passion as Mr. Darcy. I still hold my love for Colin Firth, but McFayden gave an arresting portrayal of a very difficult man to play. Kudos.

My one casting difficulty - Donald Sutherland as Mr. Bennett. He did fine - but why on earth could they not have found a stalwart British actor who would have added a bit more pizzaz, mischief and resignation to the role? (not to mention a British accent)

The movie also made an important shift in one other area. It is without a doubt the most sensual portayal of an Austen work I have seen. The sensuality begins with the fecundity of the surroundings, from feeding the pigs and ducks to giggling in bed with one's beloved sister. The great houses which are shown boast of incredible paintings filled with nudes. When Elizabeth arrives at Pemberly, she is shown a room with life-sized marble nudes, and then the bust of Mr. Darcy - proper but still sensual. The movie ends at Pemberly with Elizabeth and Darcy, not quite properly dressed to receive others - another nod to the passion bursting throughout the movie.

I know some Austen purists will scoff at the sensuality of the film - but I believe Austen herself would have understood and appreciated such an interpretation. If one reads Claire Tomalin's definitive biography on Austen, one realizes Austen was no stranger to meeting a young man and falling head over heels. She also remembered such a feeling so strongly that she could not bear to marry someone with less feeling, even if she would sink further into poverty. All her works are filled with supressed passion - the proper English restraint being the accepted mode of moving in society. One entire book was dedicated to it - Sense and Sensibility. I applaud this movie's interpretation.

I really liked the movie. It was not perfect (but pretty close). I will love to own it one day - and there will be times when I will pull out my BBC production, and other times I will pull out this one. Different, but both faithful to the heart of Austen's great masterpiece. My grade - A.

continuing humiliation

Well, I already recounted how embarrassing it was to ride around Sam's Club in my motorized buggy. The saga continues...

For the first time in my life, I will not share Thanksgiving with my Mom and Granny (a fact I am trying to ignore). Since we were just in Asheville this past weekend, I can't really get back up there again - and my brother and his wife invited Mom, Dad and Granny over for TDay - so my nuclear family and I will be in Gboro. Normally, I only fix pumpkin pies and cranberry relish for TDay - but I'll do the whole shebang (is that how you spell that?) this time. It's not real easy standing on my foot and cooking, but Princess and Hubby will help.

I couldn't really depend on Hubby to get everything I needed at the grocery store. He would try - but there were a number of things I needed to see and compare before deciding what I would buy. So, Hubby and I decided we would go together and I could ride in some kind of cart.

We arrived at the TajMa Teeter (real fancy Harris Teeter grocery store that I knew had a variety of carts). They only had one motorized buggy and I hated to take that if someone else came along who needed it (read: really old person who needed it). They also had a variety of carts for people with kids. One had the regular grocery cart with a bench in front of it, where two kids or one adult could sit. Hubby thought it would be really fun to push me around in that, and I thought, "Well, okay - it's probably the best we could do."

Now, Hubby is an extreme extrovert. He has to talk to everyone he sees, no matter if he knows them or not. Being so friendly is one of the things that originally attracted me to him (but as I always tell couples in marriage counseling - it's what attracts you that makes you want to kill them later on). So we stroll into HT and he starts nodding and saying hello to people, and also explaining, "She's had foot surgery. Worn this boot since July...Not easy getting around, etc., etc." I'm just trying to keep my head down, looking at the grocery list and coupons, while ignoring people staring at me and asking questions.

I don't really like to draw attention to myself. I like to think I have some sort of dignity or sophistication. Hubby doesn't really think about these things. The icing on the cake was when we saw a Mom with two kiddies in a kiddie cart, and Hubby says, "Bet my cart weighs more than yours!" He apparently had not caught the evil eye I had kept giving him, so I turned around and whispered, "Shut the h#@! up!" Poor confused man had no idea why I didn't just think the whole thing was very funny.

Then the Mom asked Hubby if he wanted a balloon for the person riding in his cart.

Please, please - I want to get this boot off my foot!

a breath of snow and ashes by diana gabaldon

I am a sucker for a good series when it comes to fiction. And even if the series starts to falter in its quality, once I become attached to characters or enthralled by a storyline - I just can't seem to let go.

Thus, when I was at Costco last month and saw Diana Gabaldon's latest installment in the Outlander series, A Breath of Snow and Ashes, I had to pick it up. If you haven't read this book, and intend to do so, don't worry - I won't give anything important away.

Outlander had been recommended to me by a number of people a couple years ago. Yet, the description kept sounding different - was it a romance, was it fantasy, sci-fi, historical fiction, a mystery? Part of Gabaldon's genius is that it was all those things. It centered on the time traveling Claire and the 18th century Scottish Highlander, Jamie Fraser. I can honestly say that Jamie Fraser is the most incredible man I have seen in fiction (and yes, I am including Mr. Darcy - whom I love very dearly, just about as much as Elizabeth Bennett - but Jamie would still be #1). Outlander was an incredible book - one of the best I have ever read.

I enjoyed the next two installments, but by the fourth the story was dragging. By the time the fifth came around - I was wishing she would just get on with it and get the story told.

This sixth book is worth the read if you are a lover of the series, yet I kept hearing Edgy Mama's voice - being the writer that she is - saying, "She is just such a popular writer that she doesn't really get edited anymore." How true. Diana - I love you and think you are beyond talented - but the book needs a good editor! I give the book a B-, but it could easily move to a B+ or maybe higher if we shaved off about 250-300 pages. Now, I like long books. Reading hundreds of pages is not a problem for me. But - this was extraneous material. No, I did not need a detailed play-by-play of an 18th century hemorrhoid operation. The book was also heavier in tone than the earlier ones - more depressing, and less mix of the levity Gabaldon can display.

That being said, overall the story was interesting. I realize part of my interest is being a North Carolinian, where the story is placed. Gabaldon proposes an interesting interpretation of what happened to the Lost Colony - I liked that. She continues to craft interesting characters, who interact well with each other. Yet, the story itself would drag - due to the lack of being edited! It needed to move at a faster pace. Even if some of the more minor characters were minimimalized - that would be for the better. In the next one, please don't give me one more young woman with a sordid sex story. I had enough in this book.

Another interesting part of the book is a character who deals with a calling from God to the ministry. God and faith have always been part of Gabaldon's writing, but this was a new take that I felt she explored in a respectful, truthful way. I didn't expect it, and due to my own profession and pulls in my own life, I found this struggle quite interesting.

I think it will have to be a B-, but it could be more. Gabaldon is still an excellent story teller who combines various genres (did I even mention mystery?) in wonderful ways. Next time - let's cut down on the extraneous storylines, characters, and descriptions - and get things rolling and moving to where I am up all night reading and in tears (like I was once with Outlander).

a true hippie town

Today I am missing Asheville more than I have in recent months. I wish I were there to celebrate and glory in the results of the election. Not only was my buddy Holly Jones the lead vote getter for city council (to enter her second term), but the town has elected its first black mayor, Terry Bellamy. Not only is Terry the first black mayor, she is also the first black woman mayor. The progressive vote is definitely out to make good changes in the Paris of the South.

I am still in disbelief over the characterization of Gboro as a granola town (please see my entry below)! For those who hold this greatly misinformed view, they need to look no further than Asheville - a true hippie town.

Greensboro - Hippie Town?

As a responsible citizen, I have spent today frantically trying to prepare myself for the Greensboro elections tomorrow. If I were still in Asheville, I would easily be able to vote on matters of conscience, integrity, and for the betterment of all my neighbors in town. Yet, I am in a new town - and thus I have little history of this city council and who are the best candidates.

I have been homebound, due to my foot surgery, so I have been reliant on the internet and some newsrags that Hubby brought home. He left one on the couch for me today, saying, "I heard some people call this an informed newspaper - kinda like Mountain Express (in Asheville)." Well, I would like to know who on earth thought Rhinoceros Times was a paper with any left-leaning sensibilities. I have been so disturbed by the racial and class disconnect and divide in this town - even trying to find a diverse neighborhood in which to live was a real challenge. I have been so pleased with the Truth and Racial Reconciliation Committee and their work - it has been great to see a town grapple with its history and the repurcussions and try to find a way to better life for all people in its environs. Yet, the RT completely negated this work - essentially calling it trivial and a waste of time. Those were certainly not the words of Archbishop Desmond Tutu when he was in Greensboro last week and commented on this committee (and I happen to think he knows more about those kinds of issues that the average North Carolinian). If the RT had offered any real substantial reasons and viewpoints for its "picks" in the election, I might be willing to read it again - but that is not to be.

And so I turn to the Yes! Weekly. I have read this on occasion since living in Gboro. I need to reiterate that I left what is commonly known as Hippie City USA (aka Asheville) just this past summer. I know what a hippie, granola town looks like. Moving to a much more "white-bread" area was an issue with which I had to grapple. So thus imagine my surprise when I read these words from Y!W, while endorsing a candidate - (Joel Landau)"...is nothing if not a hippie and Greensboro is a granola town if ever there was one."

What?! Who on earth are they kidding? Yes, I will probably go out now and vote for the "hippie candidate," but Gboro a hippie town? Is that why I have still yet to find a really good locally owned bookstore? Is that why the one food co-op in town is so small it could fit inside my house? (and don't get me wrong - I am really glad it's here) Is that why I live in what is commonly known as the most diverse neighborhood, but my daughter is one of the few people of color I see? Is that why I only see a handful of people who even look like hippies, who have one block in the city in which they hang out - as opposed to miles in Asheville?

I'm going out and buying the new Bob Marley compilation tomorrow, put some One Love bumper stickers on my car, and some more peace stickers, blast my music and start wearing dreads. (okay - I will probably forgo the dreads - I embarrass my son enough and he will be a teenager soon)

I do believe Greensboro has come a long way in recent years in regards to being more inclusive, diverse, and less white-bread. But, baby, we've come a long way, and there are still many miles to go before we sleep. Let's get real.

all saints day

November 1 - All Saints Day. In the Christian tradition, today is the day where we specifically remember the saints who have gone before us. They may be people we have known and loved personally, figures from the Bible, or people throughout history. As the great lady Rosa Parks was laid to rest yesterday, I thought it would be fitting to remember her on this special day.

It's hard to imagine a time living under Jim Crow in 1955. I was born in 1967, and even though I have heard from my Mom and Granny how segregated things were (and even though I still see so many other symptoms of segregation and racism in today's world) - it's so hard to imagine a woman being forced to give up a seat on the bus to a man. Especially a woman who has worked hard at the service of others throughout the day. I have wondered what kind of man that man was who insisted that Rosa Parks give up her seat on the bus, simply because she was black.

I also have a hard time imagining the courage it must have taken for Rosa Parks to refuse that white man. She full well knew the consequences. She had seen how black people were treated. She knew what she was about. And her faith gave her the courage to refuse to abide by unjust laws.

She arose as one of the leaders of the Civil Rights movement. Her courage, her peaceful and engaging presence, her vision are all things that I admire in this wonderful saint. I know there is still a long way to go towards racial reconciliation and equality. I pray that Rosa Park's spirit will live on in all of us as we seek to live in a more just world.

all hallow's eve

My early years were primarily spent in a Methodist parsonage. My mom, brother and I lived with my grandparents for most of the time until I was about 10 years old. It was like I had three parents in a number of ways. Mom was definitely the mom, but Papa and Granny would care for us when Mom was at work, and would even punish us if the need arose (or at least Papa would!). Some of my earliest memories of Granny are eating frozen peaches with sugar sprinkled on top and watching soap operas (one must remember that soaps in the early '70s were not quite what they are now). During time when Mom was at work and I was not in school, I spent most of my time with Papa. He was a Methodist minister, and I would go off and do "minister stuff" with him. This was usually visiting one of the many church members who needed or wanted to see their preacher. I remember hanging out at old country gas stations, watching Papa play checkers, and eating lots of candy with Sammy Davis, Jr's The Candy Man playing on the radio. I remember visiting old farmhouses way back in the mountains, and using the outhouse when "I had to go!". I remember one older lady that Papa and I would routinely find her glasses for her (I was pretty good at getting down on the floor and looking under chairs).

Papa and I also had a lot of fun together. We would go out and eat Butter Pecan ice cream. We would play checkers for hours on end (I will never forget the one and only time I beat him). He would also drive me around downtown Asheville, encouraging my dreams of one day being mayor - then governor of NC - and then the first female president of the USA. Papa found the current mayor one day and ensured that he and I had a good long talk.

Papa died from leukemia on Halloween, 1977. I was devastated. I will always miss him. Yet, the faith tradition he and Granny passed on to the family has given me a wonderful way always to remember him. Tomorrow is All Saints' Day. In the Christian tradition, each year on Nov 1 we remember the saints who have gone before us, particularly the ones who died in the past year.

I always remember Papa, and give great thanks for him.

a history of violence

During my teen years, I read John Steinbeck's East of Eden. Steinbeck used themes from the book of Genesis in the Bible to flesh out this uniquely American story. It tells the story of a young woman, Cathy, who was a "monster." She killed and harmed with no compunction. Her twin sons, Aaron and Caleb (nicknamed Cal) dealt with the legacy of such a mother. Cal could feel the violence, the monstrosity, inside him and had to choose which way he would live his life. This choice is understood as Timshel - the Jewish word for you may choose or you may choose not.

The new movie, A History of Violence, starring Viggo Mortenson, deals with this same theme. Are there truly monsters in our world? The movie does not deal with how one becomes a "monster," but deals with Timshel - the choice. The main character is Tom Stall, a small-town family man whose family is almost too perfect, too loving. The family's small, cozy home is a haven which is their foundation in navigating the world around them. It's hard to imagine the parents ever raising their voice. I found myself wishing I could be as calm a presence as the mother (or look that good in a cheerleading outfit, for that matter!).

The idyllic family's life is shattered when two monsters step into Tom's diner. Tom becomes a hero by revealing a violent side that no one can quite believe. This attention brings Philadelphia mobsters to small town Indiana, by the belief that Tom is a former killer named Johnny.

The story unravels as we discover more of who Tom truly is, and how this coming to terms with oneself impacts the family around him. As Tom accepts more of the violence inside him, his family is disrupted. His family life mirrors the violence within each person.

The movie is very simply done. It is also quite violent and graphic - more than I would normally want to see. Yet, it deals with such important topics for us today. Are there truly monsters in our world, ones incapable of reform? Can one truly choose life over death, peace over violence? Does the end mean of violence justify it (as in committing a violent act to save an innocent)? Can any act be forgiven? How do we live as a people of forgiveness, forgiving others and ourselves?

The end of the movie reminds me of the conclusion of Places in the Heart. It ends with a eucharistic table - there is always room at the table. No matter who we are, what choices we have made, the table is set for us. We have a place. There is redemption.

The movie does not provide all the answers. I don't think it is meant to do so - yet, it gives us a good place for asking those important questions and struggling with the answers and meaning in our violent society today.

Zorro by Isabel Allende

I must say I am glad to have a place I can share my thoughts and impressions on whatever book I have recently read. I have been rereading much of the Owen Archer series by Candace Robb (well worth the read), but in the midst of my rereads - I finally found Zorro at the library. It is a fairly new book written by the Isabel Allende, a woman who was born in Chile and now lives in California. I believe I will be looking for her other books in the near future.

Zorro is the story of the famed righter of injustice, from the days of his birth until he lived into the beginning of his legend in California. I have always been fascinated by swashbucklers and those who fight injustice. I was hoping this book would not disappoint, and it did not. Allende writes very simply. I am so glad to read someone who does not try to impress me with all their metaphors, similes, and detailed descriptions. She writes simply, yet she evokes rich imagery and full characters. It is a wonderful balance. The book is a good size, but does not need to be edited down (see The Historian).

I enjoyed the story. It had action, adventure, true love, loyalty, intrigue, and full characters (yes, Diego de la Vega himself is not perfect - I wanted to smack him a few times for his unending infatuation over a silly and insipid girl). All the classical elements of the Zorro story are to be found, but Allende adds enough invention that the story does not feel worn out. She has breathed fresh life into it. I also appreciate her interpretation of the historical elements of Diego's life. He lived in a time of great upheaval - how could he not be a product of it?

Overall, this was a very enjoyable read. It certainly does contain serious elements - some of the story can be quite heartbreaking. Yet, it's a story that moves and is alive, and is also fun in a number of ways. A-

women in the workplace

With our big move this summer, things have changed a lot in my household. For the first time since the birth of my older child, I have been working full-time outside the home. I like to say I'm getting paid full-time now, instead of just working full-time. After Sonny Boy was born, I spent a year at home with him (boy, was that hard - glad I could do it, but I spent way too much time wondering how moms actually got cleaned up and out of the house before 11am). I then spent the next 9 and 1/2 years employed half-time. I occasionally picked up some other part-time work, and then in ministry - there were definitely times I was working more than half-time (even though I was still primarily responsible for the kids and the house).

So - we moved. My husband has been taking care of the kids and the home since then, and doing some occasional substitute teaching. As thankless a job as that sounds for a woman so often, I know it's even more so for a man - everyone assumes he will go back to work "full-time" very soon. That's what men do, isn't it?

Hubby and I have definitely completely reversed jobs - and that is really fine (if I can just let go of the fact that my house will not be as clean as I would like - the man really does do his best). Since graduate school, I have maintained that women should have the choice to follow where they should go - into the workforce, staying at home, or any combo of those things. I know that during my years of working "part-time" I was not always taken as seriously or my work as valued as my full-time colleagues. It always felt disrespectful to me. I didn't value my work any less because I was not paid full-time or worked 40-50 hours a week (most weeks).

And so the NY Times entered the discussion of women in the workplace recently. They used anecdotal evidence (not hard, serious research) to state that overachieving moms (would I include myself - having a master's degree?) are choosing homemaking more than ever and are rejecting the workplace. In fact, actual research does not reveal this. I think about my friends (all of whom I would call over-achieving), and we are all living our lives in many different forms (and some of our husbands are as well). But my personal info is only anecdotal.

If you look at this week's Newsweek (which I did while waiting for my hairstylist this morning), the mag picked up on the NY Times article as a given fact.

Well, for all you over-acheivers out there - if you really want some hard facts, check out this rebuttal from the National Council for Research on Women. Women are making a variety of choices, and most of us from financial or family structure reasons - not because we can choose to follow wherever our heart desires. That's part of the American myth - that we can follow any dream - the circumstances of our lives more often than not dictate how we can pursue those dreams. (and I always hope we can follow our dreams - but the fact is that most women just simply cannot afford that or don't have the support network to do so)

I am heartened that women continue to break new ground. It does please me not to be in such an extreme minority as a woman in ministry as I was 15 years ago. But I think our real strides need to come in different areas. We need to work on issues concerning women and children in poverty. We need to make the workplace more flexible and supportive of a healthy lifestyle (Europeans have it - "full-time" people work on average 30 hours a week, as opposed to 40-50 here.) Finally, we need to provide more support for men and boys who choose not to follow the traditional male model. I feel blessed to have all the options I have had in various forms of work -but I know society does not support that for my husband and for many husbands. I have met a number of husbands staying at home either full or part time and doing it well - but we need to affirm that choice in every way possible. It may mean that I desecrate every church sign that reads "Mothers' Morning Out!" (okay, maybe I can just make a polite suggestion to be more inclusive).

Anyone out there dealing with some of these same issues?

@#$*!

Like most 11 year old boys, Sonny Boy has a fascination with vulgarity. After much deliberation in recent weeks, I broke over and bought him American Idiot by Green Day. I had listened to most the songs on the CD, and really liked them. They are very talented, and it's so refreshing to hear a successful CD that's not about some guy trying to have sex with as many women as possible. The F bomb is only used a handful of times, and I felt I could talk to Sonny Boy about it and also let him know I'd better not hear it out of his mouth. It's so hard trying to make decisions when they reach the "tween years." I'm not going to abdicate all responsibilities, but we are definitely past my trying to shelter him.

We've been past sheltering actually. I can think back over the last several years and the ongoing fascination with "cuss words." He came home in 2nd grade one day and told me about a playground conversation. Apparently, all the boys (instead of running and playing) were standing around trying to figure out the cuss words. One little boy said he knew what the worst of all cuss words was. I asked Sonny Boy to tell me ( I've always told him that if he didn't understand a word or phrase to ask me or his daddy). Sonny Boy leaned over and said, "It's mother father." I was so proud of myself for not laughing hysterically as I explained that wasn't quite right.

Then there was the time last year when I took him to see Van Helsing. I debated with the PG-13 rating, but I figured it was monster violence - so we went. I overheard his conversation with my mom after the movie. "It was a pretty good movie...No, they didn't really say any bad words. Just the H word a couple times and then the D word a couple times. You know, the d-i-c-k word, not the other D word." Until that time, I'd had no idea there were 2 different D words.

And then back to yesterday, with the conversation around Green Day. He thought they didn't really know how to cuss right. I kept letting him talk as I would walk around the house, hoping to get away from him and that ridiculous topic of discussion. And he kept following me and continuing his diatribe on how one should cuss.

I thought back to a conversation just last week with some of my friends. Some of my friends admitted to dropping the F bomb on occasion because their husbands didn't like it. As I was walking in and out of the house, with Sonny Boy following - waxing eloquent on vulgarity, I wondered if I tried my friends' trick if that would get rid of Sonny Boy. Better not, I thought - he'd probably just call my mom and boy, would I be in trouble then!

my left foot

For the past few years, I have had some real fun with my left foot. I believe it all began 5 years ago, when I was up in the wee hours getting ready to head to the airport for a trip to Vancouver. It was a warm July night, about 4:30am. I had gone to bed early the night before, and the last thing I said to my husband was - "Please make sure to turn the window fan off in Caleb's room - it will have cooled down in there and we don't need to use that electricity all night." I then packed my suitcase, except for the items I would need the next morning. We had a rather large hallway - with the main bathroom, and both the kids' rooms off this large square hallway (our bedroom was in the finished attic). I left the suitcase to the side of the large hallway, knowing that I would walk straight to the bathroom in the morning and avoid the suitcase.

So, I walk down the stairs so early in the morning - not turning on any lights so that the kids will still keep sleeping. I immediately notice that Caleb's window fan is still going. What? That fan has been going all night? How much electricity is that going to use? So before heading to the bathroom, I walk straight to Caleb's room to turn off the fan - and promptly trip over the suitcase (which I never would have done if the fan had been off - I would have headed straight to the bathroom). My first thought then was, I've broken my leg!! But then I scrambled to the bathroom, checked out the quickly swelling lump and cut on my left leg, got an ice pack and thought, There is no way in Hades I am missing this trip to Vancouver! It must just be a really bad bruise.

I got ready for the day, made it to the airport and promptly limped my entire trip. After 5 wonderful days, I headed back home, limped a couple more days and then finally saw a doctor. The xray showed a clean break in the middle of the bone on my lower left leg. He told me it was already healing and a cast probably would not help. He did warn me about walking on uneven ground - a jar could get the bones out of alignment. I had flashbacks of all the walking on rocky paths I had done in Vancouver - including a long, bumpy path down to the nude beach I followed on several occasions (I kept my clothes on by the way, but I could tell stories...)

Due to the break, I started to use my foot differently and plantar fasciatis ensued. It would come and go - always the worst in the summer (when I was playing tennis and walking on pavement the most). It basically meant that the bottom of my left foot was in a LOT of pain. About a year and a half ago, my primary doctor told me to do the stretches and ice my foot after using it for tennis and the like. It didn't help. The ultimate cortisone shots and shoe inserts from the podiatrist last fall and winter didn't help more than a little while either. This summer was the worst - with the move and everything going on, I was in constant and awful pain; shooting pains up my left leg, almost unable to walk in the mornings. I quickly found a new podiatrist in Gboro. Since the end of July, I have been wearing a "boot." So much fun! I knew in recent weeks that it wasn't working - the pain was returning. I have been a complete slug with this boot - can't really walk much or exercise except for the exercise bike.

So when I saw the podiatrist last Friday, I knew we would be scheduling surgery. It will be in early November - sure hope this takes care of the problem. Meanwhile, I'll have the boot till near Christmas. Everyone sure has a comment about the boot - "Hate to see what the other guy looks like!" is the most common. Getting rather tiresome. It's like I'm pregnant again, and everyone has advice for me or some story to share.

At the grocery store today, and a couple were giving each other a hard time (just joking and having fun). She noticed my boot and said, "You're the third person I've seen with one of those today!" She asked what was wrong. I told her. She asked if I had to wear it all the time, or if it came off. I explained that it was kinda like an aircast and I took it off at night. She said it would be hard to sleep with that, and I responded that my husband probably couldn't sleep well with it either. She laughed and said, "But you sure could get him back if you wanted to!" I had a flashback to the window fan left on and the ensuing years of pain :) I laughed and her male partner said, "Women sure are evil!" She laughed and said, "It's because men make us that way!" So true...