Amy Tan

One good thing about moving to Greensboro has been the high quality speakers who come through this town for various lecture series. I was very fortunate last night to drive 10 minutes to Guilford College. They are completing a 3 year focus on Asian Studies, as well as the current 1 year focus on Spirituality. (Guilford is a Quaker school - and a very good one at that.)

The Opposite of Fate: An Evening with Amy Tan was the billing. I have been a big Amy Tan fan since The Joy Luck Club first came out. I have become even more enamored with her after Hubby and I decided to adopt a baby from China. I enjoy her writing immensely, and especially appreciate the understanding she provides as a Chinese American.

Ms. Tan was far better than I imagined. She was quite entertaining, engaging, personable, funny, and poignant. (And I must say she was wearing an incredibly beautiful asymetrical purple wrap skirt with a rich purple sweater and throw - I spent too much time wondering where she bought such an incredible outfit.) The Opposite of Fate is essentially the story of her life and how it influenced her writing. Her father was a Baptist minister who earned his living as an electrical engineer. He died while she was a young teen, in the same year her older brother also died (both of brain tumors). Her mother, quite an interesting character, continued to be a major influence in her life, as witnessed in her writing. In both her own life and in her writing, she has mixed the realities of life (and sometimes the very difficult ones) with humor and compassion.

One of my favorite stories came from an explanation she offered about the line "strength of the wind" in The Joy Luck Club. She ran across Cliff Notes of her book (much to her surprise) and was interested how much symbolism they placed into this phrase. She explained that it came from a Chinese phrase which literally means, "Loud farts don't smell, but the silent ones are deadly." It certainly provides some insight into the term, "breaking wind." (Sure hope my family of origin appreciates this story.)

I was also interested in the writers' band with which she has been involved for a number of years. They perform only for charity - literacy programs to be exact. Fellow band members include Stephen King (are you reading, Edgy Mama?), Dave Barry, Barbara Kingsolver and others.

The evening ended by a question about her "muse." I had noticed when she first came to the podium that she had a large purse with her. I thought - "Couldn't someone have taken that for her?" She placed the purse behind the podium. Upon being questioned about her "muse," Ms. Tan said she brought her muse in case she needed inspiration. She then opened the large purse, and a tiny and very cute little terrier trotted around the stage, to applause from the full theater. She sure seems like a fun person.

Stylin'

Back in Asheville for a couple days to visit. It's good to be back in a town where my average, everyday wear looks downright sophisticated and stylish compared to much of the hippie population. Haven't felt so good about my appearance in months!

what should women read?

I ran across an interesting excerpt recently about women reading novels. It is from James' Fordyce's Sermons to Young Women, first published in England in 1766. It reads,

"...there seem to be very few, in the style of Novel, that you can read with safety, and yet fewer that you can read with advantage. - What shall we say of certain books, which we are assured (for we have not read them) are in their nature so shameful, in their tendency so pestiferous, and contain such rank treason against the royalty of Virtue, such horrible violation of all decorum, that she who can bear to peruse them must in her soul be a prostitute, let her reputation in life be what it will. But can it be true - say, ye chaste stars, that with innumerable eyes inspect the midnight behaviour of mortals - can it be true, that any young woman, pretending to decency, should endure for a moment to look on this infernal brood of futility and lewdness?"

A little different from any sermon I've ever given. I'd probably only put Ann Coulter books in this category - can you, dear readers, think of any others?

Nanny McPhee - the movie

Since my children saw the previews during the Holidays, I have promised that I would take them to see Nanny McPhee. I have gotten to the point I really hate most kid or family movies, but this one was starring Colin Firth and Emma Thompson - so of course I told them I would take them. (And I was quite suprised to see Sir Derek Jacoby in a small and silly role.) It's been out for a month, but we finally made it yesterday. And I must say that Colin still looks absolutely dishy, even wearing a velvet kelly green jacket with a red velvet vest. (Yes, this is a fairy tale story.)

The premise - Mr. Brown (Colin) is a widower with seven of the wildest children one has ever seen. They pride themselves in getting rid of nannies, and especially in record setting time. The agency refuses to send any more, but thankfully a new nanny magically appears (Emma Thompson - and barely recognizable - if you get an Oscar for making yourself ugly, she would easily score in this get-up). Kelly McDonald plays the scullery maid, Evangeline, and is her always luminescent self (I would LOVE to see her in more, and bigger, roles - far too talented for those of us in the States to be missing out on her.) Another issue in the Brown household is that a wealthy, opinionated, and self-important aunt (Angela Lansbury) financially supports the house. She has insisted that Mr. Brown marry within the month (because those wild kids need a new mom) or he loses the money - thus breaking up the family.

It's a fairy tale, so the story is predictable. I anticipated the ending, but it was done far more beautifully than I could have imagined. It's sweet, hopeful, and has a good message for children. (unlike Chronicles of Narnia, where I felt like the message was go and kill anyone you think is evil) At the end of the credits, a line simply said "This film is dedicated to all who are truly naughty. And to their children."

BINGO. Perfect movie for my family...

My grade - B-

why middle aged women shouldn't go to mardi gras

(thanks to Marj for sending this my way...)

The Big 3-9

I am officially 39 today (and yes, I really am - this will be the only year I will be this age). In honor of this day, I wanted to share from a magazine interview. My friend LM, knowing that I'm an Anglophile, sent some pages from More magazine. (a new magazine for women over age 40) They had interviewed Emma Thompson (one of my faves). She said these words about aging,

"It's just lovely getting older. You know, I don't worry so much about myself really. I feel as though now there is no time for any of that, there's no time to kvetch about who you are, what you mean. That sort of self-doubt belongs to when you're younger."

Ireland by Frank Delaney

Frank Delaney, something of an Irish historian, has written a beautiful, fulfilling and epic novel in his latest work, Ireland. This is his first book published in the States, and I certainly look forward to seeing more from him.

Ireland begins a few years after the end of WWII in a small Irish town. It is a dark and windy night when a 9 year old boy, Ronan, sees a Storyteller coming to his house. For his whole life, he has heard the mythic legend of a storyteller - how they preserve the history of Ireland with myths, legends, real and imagined characters, and sweeping stories that enthrall all who sit by the fireside of the Storyteller's host. This old man is said to be the last of the great storytellers, as Ireland comes into the modern age.

I thought at first that the place of Ronan was simply to provide a backdrop for the wonderful stories of this old man. The stories are so engaging that one forgets the backdrop is early 1950s Ireland. I felt as if I were truly there in the original ancient stories. Yet, as the book unfolds, the reader begins to realize that the Storyteller has "chosen" Ronan to succeed him, and that the stories of Ireland - as they proceed through history - shed light on Ronan's own story as he becomes a man and seeks to follow the Storyteller. The story of Ronan (quite interesting in itself) and the story of Ireland are intertwined beautifully. The book is long, yet I was wanting to read more at its end. I didn't want the story to end.

Delaney also provides a wonderful gift in his insights about stories - how the story of Ireland and of one man's life are mirrors of our own story. The story of Ireland is a meta-story upon which we can reflect and better understand our history, our present and our future. Delaney realizes that truth, even if not always fact, is the core of a great and transforming story. He understands how a person's spirit and truth are interconnected, and that story helps us discover more of ourselves in and through the storytelling. He writes on p. 559, "The one joy that has kept me going through life has been the fact that stories write us....And the way we all see our story...that's what we own, no matter who we are and where we come from....Indeed, our story is finally all any of us own..."

It's hard to imagine a better vision for a society so fragmented and so disconnected from our own stories. This is a must read. My grade - A

Arthur and George by Julian Barnes

Julian Barnes' latest novel, Arthur and George, was published at the end of last year. After reading a review in my favorite magazine (Entertainment Weekly), I anxiously awaited the arrival at the local library. I believe I was the first one to check out this new book.

Barnes gathered actual newspaper clippings, letters, journals, etc. about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (author of the beloved Sherlock Holmes series), and in particular collected the writings about Doyle coming to the aid of a wrongly convicted Englishman, George. The story tells of these two individuals, Arthur and George, from boyhood until Arthur's death. The stories of these two men only intersected for a short while - thus the book deals with individual lives for the most part. There is an interesting twist in the life story of George - a twist George refused to acknowledge, but that Arthur knew was of great importance.

Barnes weaves a very interesting piece of historical fiction. He uses actual events and writings, but is very clear about what is conjecture and invention on his part (please pay attention, James Frey). The characters he creates are memorable - however near or far they are to reality. Barnes uses language beautifully, and the worlds he creates are fresh, full and real. The story of Arthur is especially rich and interesting. I could not wait to turn the page and discover where his life would lead. Even when Arthur was dealing with middle-aged malaise, it was still a compelling story. I had more difficulty relating to George - or even being that interested in his story. He is nowhere near as interesting a person or has such a full life as Arthur. It felt like Arthur were really the main character, and that George -instead of being equal in billing - was really one of the bit players in the life of Arthur. I was sympathetic for George, but had difficulty identifying with his character. I found myself reading quickly through much of his life story and wishing that it would go faster - just so I could get back to the story of Arthur. That said, I appreciated the technique Barnes used in creating this story and the interaction of these two men's lives.

Overall, it is a well written book, with an interesting story - even though the interest is primarily in one character. I definitely recommend a read - especially for anyone who has enjoyed Sherlock Holmes over the years. My grade - B

China in the News

China has been in the news lately - and I'm not talking about Google and Yahoo. In recent years, a phenomenon has been taking place in the world of tennis. Tennis is growing the fastest in Asia. More and more Asians are picking up rackets, and tennis tournaments (even large scale ones) are coming to prominence in Asia, particularly China. In the last couple years, the Chinese women have invaded the top 100 of the Women's Tennis Association. The highest ranked is #31, Peng Shuai.

Peng has very recently spoken out about wanting more freedom. She wants to be in charge of her training regimen and tournament schedule (last year, the Chinese had their national tournament during Wimbledon and required their players to be in China). Peng also wants to split her prize money. In return, she will pay her own expenses (which can be considerable for a professional tennis player). In short, she wants some independence and not have her tennis career completely dominated by the state.

We've seen this kind of thing occur in the world of sports over the years. Let's hope Peng will be successful. I'm hoping China is too busy with internet difficulties to give her problems about her proposal.

Olympic Importance

On Monday, 26 year old Greensboro native Joey Cheek won the gold medal in men's 500m speed skating. Cheek has not been one of the highlighted athletes and wasn't even expected to win a gold. He could have simply enjoyed the limelight and tried to turn that into mass marketability and money. But he chose to take his time with reporters in a different direction.

Cheek came from a family where money was by no means rampant (and supporting an Olympic hopeful not an easy task), but it was a family where they believed they should help others who were in need. They gave money, time, energy and effort to help local and global efforts. At Cheek's press conference, he said he didn't really want to talk about the sacrifice and the great moment of winning a medal - he wanted to talk about the people of the Sudan. He highlighted the very difficult situation there, and then said he was giving his winnings ($25,000 for a gold medal - a healthy amount of money for a struggling and fairly unknown athlete) and any future winnings from any other medals he might win to Right to Play, an organization helping Sudanese refugee children in Chad. He challenged the sponsors to do the same. So far, Nike has accepted that challenge.

Cheek is hoping to hang up his skates and go to college. Harvard rejected his application for early admission. Let's hope they will realize the value of a person who sees the value in helping others and taking his moment of fame to highlight people in need.

Honorable mentions to Bode Miller, who with his family has always done and given a lot to those in need; and to 19 year old Shaun "The Flying Tomato" White - the snowboarding genius and my son's hero - for saying that all this fame stuff is kinda cool, but family is the most important thing (Sonny Boy and I watched the interview together - hope it gets through that thick 11 year old skull!).

The Vagina Monologues

Last night, UNCGreensboro hosted a production of The Vagina Monologues. UNCG has a great theatre department, and the monologues were truly well done. A couple of my friends/coworkers participated, as well as other staff and a number of students. The event was in observance of V-Day. V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Eve Ensler's award-winning play The Vagina Monologues. More than $30 million has been raised over the years to help in these issues. The 'V' stands for Victory, Valentine, and Vagina.

The play itself is really a mixture of two things - the celebration of being a woman and a woman's sexuality (instead of the guilt or shame that seems to go along with being a woman); and the stories of women who have been abused through violence, especially sexual violence. Each woman's monologue is based on true stories. Some are very humorous. Others bring you to the point of tears. It is a very powerful production that men and women alike should see.

One in three women will experience violence in her lifetime. Let's do all we can to help combat it. Let's do all we can to help girls and women be proud of who they are and the wonderful bodies God gave them.

The Garden Angel by Mindy Friddle

A week ago I was able to attend my Asheville Book Group. There were a couple new members (since 3 of us moved to the Triad last summer), and one of them is Valerie (see about her book). We read The Garden Angel by Mindy Friddle, someone Valerie knows. She was able to set up a speaker phone call with Mindy so that we could talk with her about the book, ask questions, and have her comments and insights. It was a really good evening - I wish I could always talk with the author of books I read.

I must say up front that I really liked this book. (I am a little amazed that I've read two works of fiction in a row that I really liked!) Mindy has written a true Southern novel, but one that thankfully does not fall into the melodramatic Oprah versions of Southern fiction. Mindy provided some great insights into what really makes Southern fiction - not just a setting, but how that setting permeates the characters. The basic story is this - a young woman named Cutter (who lives in a very tiny drive-thru town near Greenville, SC in the late 1980s) is desperately trying to save her grand and historic home. Every real estate agent should read the techniques Cutter uses to keep potential buyers from being interested in her home! (some truly hilarious pieces) Mindy does a great job combining humor with the serious issues of life. Cutter becomes friends with Elizabeth, a woman dealing with free-floating anxiety. Cutter's younger sister is also having an affair with Elizabeth's husband, a man who is the sister's college professor. The book deals with how Cutter and Elizabeth try to maintain or find roots in their lives - how they try to move forward in the midst of what seems like overwhelming odds.

I don't want to give away more of the story. The characters are full and compelling. The story feels real - it is funny, sad, poignant and interesting. I asked Mindy if she knew what would happen to the characters after the story ended - she did not. Yet it's so well-written that one can't help but imagine what the future holds for them. I recommend picking up the book and having a good read.

memory

The mind is a very funny thing. It develops and develops to a point, and then for many of us it stops working as well or perhaps just gets jumbled around some. Memory is especially a funny thing - how come my brother and I remember things so differently? Why are some things blocked from my brain and other things cannot be removed (like every single year for 22 years remembering the birthday of my first love, even though we haven't been in touch for 20 years)?

I am back in Asheville for a day and a half. It just worked out for me to come on my way (kinda) from a business meeting out of town. I saw Granny first thing when I got back into town yesterday. She's 91 now and has been in a nursing home since mid-November. It's a really nice place and it's where she needs to be. Granny was present when I was born - we lived with her until age 10 - and then she has always lived very near or very close to us. She likes to say that she helped raise my brother and me. Granny didn't recognize me initially yesterday - I said "Granny," and she knew a grandkid would say that and came up with my cousin Brenda's name. It's okay - it didn't really make me sad - she seems happy and talked about my children for a long time during our visit (her favorite story about 15 times over - she loves reruns!).

Then today I have been visiting friends. I saw my beloved mentor, Ashley, still recovering from that terrible car accident last summer. I am still so thankful she is here and doing so well - even though there is still so much left in her recovery. I've seen some other friends during the day and will even get to go to a Book Group meeting tonight.

I am so thankful for all the dear friends I have up here - and know I will continue to have - but memories and friendships are continuing without me. It's just the way it is. It doesn't mean that I won't continue with my friendships - we certainly will continue. But memories of me will be more rare and far between. And I wonder when I'll be able to see my friends without wanting to cry - tears of happiness to be with them and then tears of regret that I am missing so much of their lives and they are missing so much of mine.

Better Homes and Husbands by Valerie Ann Leff

I need to say up front that this will not be a typical book review for me. Valerie is a writer who lives in Asheville and joined my book group after I moved. Book Group read the book last fall, and I finally got around to it in the last couple weeks.

And my first thought upon completing the book was, "Why on earth have I waited 3 months to pick up this book?!" It was just a really, really good read. I thoroughly enjoyed it and had difficulty putting down the book.

The premise is this - it is the story of a high end apartment building on Park Avenue in NYC and its inhabitants. The story unfolds over 30 years and from a variety of perspectives. There is not a narrator who knows everything and part of the joy of the book is trying to piece together the story. The characters are people whose lives are very different from my own, but they are presented in such a way I feel as if I know them. They are full, interesting, and developed characters who seem quite real. Just when I am ready to despise a character, I see another side of them. They are truly complex, sympathetic people.

The storylines are compelling and intertwine in wonderful and surprising ways. I appreciate the handling of issues of wealth and justice. The understanding of love, friendship, and companionship is well done. It is a story that will stay with me for a long time. I fully recommend the book to everyone!

Happy Chinese New Year!

"Kung Hei Fat Choy!" (or - "Congratulations and Be Prosperous!") Sunday begins the Chinese New Year, a 15 day celebration observing the beginning of a new year in China. Today, children will receive red envelopes (just like the one above) with money (it should be a multiple of 2, so $2 would definitely do it!). Lots of great foods will be eaten, and friends and family will visit and wish each other good luck.

For these two weeks, family, friends, and ancestors are remembered. The gods of the household are honored. Government offices are closed. All sorts of symbolic foods are served (and please let's remember that fortune cookies were invented in San Francisco to make all the white people coming to Chinatown happy).

It is the year of the Dog, a loyal, happy and tenacious creature. (I do find it ironic that Sonny Boy (given name Caleb, Hebrew for "faithful like a dog") seems to fit his Chinese birth year.) So go find a dog to pat, eat some Chinese food and celebrate!

Reading Lolita in Tehran: A Memoir in Books by Azar Nafisi

I had heard about this book for some time before I finally purchased it last summer. It seemed interesting for a number of reasons - primarily because it dealt with women under an Islamic regime, and also because it seemed to be about a book group (and I do love my book group!). The author is an English professor, a talented and educated woman who taught in Tehran while attempting to deal with a regime that was extremely oppressive to women. She was educated in the States, and has now lived here for a number of years. She lived in Tehran through times I vaguely remember of the seizing of the consulate and an ill-fated rescue attempt. With all the recent discussion of Iran and its regime in the news, the book once again could find a new audience (it was first published in 2003).

Dr. Nafisi centers her memoir around several works of fiction and authors - Lolita, Gatsby, James and Austen. I have read much of these works and felt that gave me a leg up in working my way through her book. I can see where it might be a challenge (though not fruitless) for those unfamiliar with these works and authors. The memoir is not only centered around these books, but also the "book group," seven young women who loved fiction and met regularly with their former professor to discuss such things. As with many book groups, the discussions began to center less and less on the book and more and more on personal lives.

I found the book quite informative about the Islamic regime. It was quite interesting to have such a fresh perspective on living there - in a country that she and many others love, but with a government that seemed hell-bent on making it impossible for one to live there. The perspective and memories were enlightening and created beautifully.

However, the book seemed to ramble much of the time. Not knowing the history of Iran as Dr. Nafisi does, I would struggle to keep track of where she was in her memoir. Her "girls" in her book group I also had difficulty separating one from the other. They certainly had very different stories, but with the lack of linear progression and oftentimes focus in the book, I had to keep turning back to the first explanation of who the girls were to attempt to keep them straight.

Dr. Nafisi writes beautifully, if not always cohesively. Hers is an important voice to hear in today's world. Here are some quotes that I particulary enjoyed -

(in describing a colleague) I used to tease her that the word immaculate had been created for her. When I got to know her better, I came to see that all this orderliness was a camoflage for a passionate nature matched by insatiable desires.

Fiction was not a panacea, but it did offer us a critical way of appraising and grasping the word - not just our world but that other world that had become the object of our desires....(M)y girls,...by refusing to give up their right to pursue happiness, had created a dent in the Islamic Republic's stern fantasy world.

Living in the Islamic Republic is like having sex with a man you loathe...if you're forced into having sex with someone you dislike, you make your mind blank...We are constantly pretending to be somewhere else.

It becomes clear that the oppressive regime could not take away imagination, even with the burning and banning of many books. For Dr. Nafisi and others like her, it is places like the Roaring 20's in America, Regency England in the country, Victorian Europe and others created in fiction, that give them the ability to live. Dr. Nafisi's great love and understanding of fiction, and how that functions in her life, is truly the driving force in this memoir. The conclusion is strong. The last chapter is easily the best in the book. I recommend a read - and just remember when you find yourself struggling through some of the confusion of the earlier chapters, the best is yet to come. My grade - B-

Brokeback Mountain - the movie

Beautiful. Enthralling. Compelling. Heart-wrenching. Just as the main character, Ennis del Mar, has difficulty finding words to express himself, it is difficult to find words to express how powerful this movie is. I don't normally go for serious love stories (be it straight, gay, or a child and their dog), but I am so glad I made an exception this time. On Sunday afternoon I entered a fairly full theatre with my friend Alice to see this long awaited movie. Why did I want to see it? One - I think director Ang Lee is incredibly gifted (as seen from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Sense and Sensibility). Two - I have always liked Heath Ledger (from the days he was 18 years old and starred in Shaun Cassidy's short lived Celtic fantasy series, Roar) and felt he has not received the credit or roles he really deserves.

The story is simple - in 1963, two cowboys are hired to look after a herd of sheep on Brokeback Mountain in Wyoming. They fall in love, but know that this kind of love is dangerous. Their affair ends with the end of the job and they attempt to live their lives as best they can. The movie tells the story of these two men, their families, and their love over a 20 year period.

The story is real and compelling. The actors use their bodies and faces more than words. Each nuance of body movement, be it an eye flicker or nod of the head, or a violent wrestling scene, conveys much more than pure dialogue could. The four primary actors use their bodies to act in wonderful ways, but especially Ledger. As Ennis, his body expresses what he cannot quite understand and could never verbalize. And when he does speak, he says far more than the actual words spoken from his mouth. Truly an Oscar worthy performance.

The symbolism of Brokeback Mountain is the focus of the movie - something that is beautiful beyond words, magnetic, peaceful, fulfilling; yet also isolating, unpredictable, lonely, frightening, and unable to be possessed. Some of us have known a love like that - definitely heart-wrenching. Add into that the danger and threat of such a love between two men, and the place of deepest joy and refuge becomes even more unattainable than ever.

The cinematography is spectacular. It makes me want to travel to Wyoming one day. The direction is incredible - each shot of the film is valuable, important and integral to the story. The music complemented the moods of the story and expanded it (instead of taking it over as it does in so many movies and tv shows today). The story and the acting could not be better. This is a truly great movie on a number of levels - emotionally, critically, and politically. And speaking as one who always looks for a redemptive note in the world, and knowing that sometimes there just isn't one, I felt the story arc and ending were fitting and perfect. I would not have changed one thing. My grade - A

The Chronicles of Narnia - the movie

I had been anxiously awaiting The Chronicles of Narnia to hit the big screen since last summer. The C.S. Lewis series is an old favorite of mine and one we have read to our children. Over Christmas break, I made sure we had an opportunity to see this long awaited movie.

And yet it has taken me over two weeks to write my personal little review. I am usually so anxious to share my opinion with the world, and so I couldn't understand why I wasn't ready to turn on the computer the minute I got home. Then I realized why - the movie did not meet my expectations. I was disappointed.

Now I need to say that my children were not disappointed at all. They loved it - as have most the people I know who have seen it. So why did I find myself looking at my watch several times throughout the movie and then not even staying for the credits (a sacrilege in my book)? The movie did a number of things well. It stayed close to the story. The cinematography was incredible, and the final showdown between good and evil was quite well done. The actors were believable and engaging. So what was my problem?

It all just felt so flat to me. Despite the big budget extravagances, the movie seemed one-dimensional. There was no trepidation as to what might happen next. (Even in a Harry Potter movie - when I know exactly what will happen - I find myself on the edge of my seat.) The storyline seemed ho-hum, - oh yeah, now's the time the brother is going to be really stupid and go to the witch; yeah, the lion is sacrificing himself; yada, yada, yada. I was not invested in the characters (despite the quality acting job). There was no mystery, little magic, inspite of the incredible special effects and various creatures. I have asked myself why several times in the past couple weeks. Was it the storyline itself? Was it the original book or the screenplay? Is this a book that is better left on the written page?

I'm not sure about the answer, but I am sure about my disappointment. I know this movie will win some awards - and deservedly so in some cases. Yet, it left me wanting more. I think I'll have Hubby take the kids to the sequel. My grade - B-

B4B entry - The Girl Scout Cookie boyfriend

This is a Blogging for Books entry - entries are to be about an ex this month. In honor of Girl Scout Cookie sales (going on now!), I wanted to share this particular story about an ex.


I was getting tired of being in the car. Mom had been driving me around for while, with my younger brother staring out the window in the back seat. We kept stopping every few minutes at a different house. I would check my list about which boxes I needed to take to the door, and then Mom and I would get them from either the back seat or the trunk. After delivering the boxes to the family, I would take my leave by perkily saying, "Thank you so much for supporting the Girl Scouts! We are going to have a great Spring trip and do lots of great things thanks to you!!"

There were several times when I slid back in the car that I thought I heard Mom mutter something like, "238 boxes..." and "just HAD to sell more than anyone else."

We were making serious headway as we took the road to Robbie Owenby's house. I planned to deliver the boxes to his mom, collect the money, and then spend a few minutes imagining walking through his door with him holding my hand. I would have to look up at the tall, older basketball player and gaze into his beautiful light brown eyes as he invited me to share some pizza and coke with his family. We would then go to the church parking lot across from his house where he would shoot hoops, only touching net every time, as I clapped and praised his athletic ability. He would take a break from practicing and decide to give me a lesson. Robbie would put his arms around me as he showed me how to shoot the ball perfectly every time. I would try to defend the basket while he dribbled, fail miserably, and we would end up laughing on the grass of the green lawn. He would then tell me how wonderful 8th grade would be for me in a couple years, and that even when he was in high school next year, he would always love me and wouldn't even notice other girls.

"Oh - there's Robbie walking to his house," Mom interrupted. "Amy, just roll down the window and ask if his mom's at home. It would save some time if she's not there." It was only in retrospect that I remember the slight smirk on my dear mother's face.

Panic quickly set in. I didn't know if he even knew who I was - small community, granted, but I was an insignificant little nerdy Girl Scout 6th grader! Mom stopped the car while I was hurriedly saying, "Please! Please go on to his house!" As the car stopped, I knew I had no choice but to roll down the window - Robbie was standing right outside it looking in. I took a deep breath. Now was THE opportunity. He'd notice me and all my dearest dreams would come true.

"Uuh...uuhhh....uuuuuhhhhhhh....Rooooobbbbie. Uuuuhhhhh....is your.....is your uuuhhhh...mom home? I...I have cookies." I tried to tear my eyes from his beautiful face, but the horror of it all was just too much to turn away.

"Nope, she's not there."

Mom leaned across the seat. "Here are the boxes. You can just give them to her and she can pay Amy at church on Sunday."

The car drove off. My brother snickered and then laughed for a long time. Mom kept trying not to grin. Barely a year goes by that my brother (especially when we have GS cookies) does not look at me with big eyes and stutter, "Uuh...uuhhh....Rooooobbbbbie!"

And every year at GS cookie time, I think of the best ex dream boyfriend I ever had.

Are Men Necessary? When Sexes Collide, by Maureen Dowd

You have to hand it to Maureen Dowd, op-ed columnist for the New York Times. She definitely knows how to create an eye-catching book title. Yes, many women have asked this question over the years, so why not create a book to explore the issue?

Dowd states up front that this is not a systematic treatise on gender issues, but simply her thoughts and observations. I appreciate the disclaimer, because the book does feel choppy and disjointed at times. Yet, if one is expecting that, then it makes it the easier to encounter. Dowd is the queen of one-line zingers and pithy pronouncements. I appreciated the laughs and thoughts that were created by them throughout the book. Some favorites -

"...women move from playing with Barbie to denouncing Barbie to remaking themselves as Barbie."

"Whether or not American feminism will be defeated by American conservatism, it is incontrovertibly true that American feminism was trumped by American narcissism."

"From my own unscientific sampling, I think it's far rarer for women to ask men to read their stuff than it is for men to ask women to read their stuff. Poor Condi Rice couldn't even get George W. Bush to read her presentation of his foreign policy goals in Foreign Affairs magazine during his 2000 campaign."

"In sport and war, the big fear of men is to be feminized. In the workplace, the big fear of women is to be diabolized."

"Women are affected by lunar tides only once a month; men have raging hormones every day."

Dowd is of the age to have lived through and experienced the feminist revolution, and to see the pendulum swing back. She understands that the feminist rhetoric of the 70s and 80s is ancient history to many of today's young women and men. While many strides have taken place, women are spending more time, money and effort on "trying to look like Barbie" than seeking equality and opportunity on par with men. Dowd also offers observations on women who are trying to use their intellect and natural gifts, and find themselves without a family or partner in life. The stats for professional women over 35 who have families (or will have) are dim - at a time when many of these women would like to do so. The chapter after Dowd glorifies the sexiness of an intellectual male, she bemoans the scarcity of men available for successful women. I would like to ask her why a "successful" woman has to have a man who is on par or more successful than she is. Men have married less educated, less professional women for years - and many have found happiness. Does feminism not include a woman broadening her horizons, looking for men who might not have a Harvard MBA, but might be very genuine, true, supportive, and proud of a "successful, professional" wife? Dowd is correct that feminism is about having options - but we shouldn't limit what those options are. (And yes, there are men out there proud to be married to a woman who is seen as more successful than they are.)

Another interesting aspect of Dowd's book was how successful women are only likable after taking a fall (Hillary, Martha, etc.) I had not thought about this - but how true! Only after public humiliation can an intelligent, highly successful woman find a likability factor. Perhaps Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter really is the great American novel, after all.

Throughout the book, Dowd not only offers her own insights, she also gleans information from science (about that elusive Y chromosone and its degredation), politics (both sides take a hitting, which I respect), and societal culture. It is an honest book, capable of producing much conversation. The ending is thin - she could have wrapped up her thoughts more succinctly and powerfully. For people interested in gender issues, I recommend a read. It's not the ultimate feminist treatise, but it is thought-provoking reading. B-