Thursday, May 26, 2005

independent feminist or looking for a sugar daddy?

Some thoughts lately - I have always been a very strong-willed, independent sort of gal. (It seems to be a trait in the females of my family - hope you're reading, Mom.) I seemed to be the only girl making the transition from junior high to high school who didn't fold to the pressure of guys not wanting a "braniac" for a girlfriend. So many of the really smart girls I knew just gave in - they had boyfriends, but they were no longer straight A students. I would look around and wonder where they were. And I gave absolute hell to any boy my senior year who dared suggest I was going to college to get my "m-r-s degree." (I really bristled at the thought of getting married right out of college - but there the man was - what was I supposed to do?)

And my number one pet peeve over the years? Wimps. Particularly male wimps. They make me crazy! If my kids ever want to push my buttons - they just whine and that really does it.

But yet - what is one of my favorite songs from recent years? Who's your daddy? by Toby Keith (no - I by no means agree with his politics - but his fun songs are just really fun and the man is talented and a big, linebacker kind of guy) So many of my strong female friends seem to agree - a strong man who is capable of taking care of us is just so unbelievably attractive. I don't want someone to be patronizing. I enjoy that my husband is proud of my accomplishments and gets a kick out of my tirades over some injustice in the world or any sassy comments. But do I really want to be in charge all the time? Absolutely not! In fact, it gets kind of stressful at times. "Am I the mom of the whole world?!"

So - how is all this balanced out? How do couples mutually relate to each other? And how does a man really be a man - not a wimp and certainly not a bully?


Edgy Mama said...

Too deep for bedtime for me. I'll dream on it and check with you tommorrow.

Beth said...

Here, here for middle ground! The more I'm in relationship (friendship, marriage, motherhood) the more I realize that my personality/persona is in flux. My goal, more and more these days, is to just keep the rudder steady.

Chad said...

My wife and myself have very strong personalities. It's a struggle sometimes to find that middle ground. I think the overriding factor that keeps us sane and happy, is that we truly love each other. For us, this means doing whatever makes the other happy. This isn't as easy as it sounds or as simple. Of course, we're still at that stage where fighting means we get to look forward to making up!

Edgy Mama said...

Back, finally. I think it's difficult for men to ride that fine line between being strong and being emotionally available. Actually, it's non-gender specific and something that I battle.

So, my question is, how do we teach our sons to be both protective and strong and emotionally responsive?

Rio said...

It's the teaching the son thing that really is where the rubber hits the road. Hubby and I will figure things out (like all marriages must do if they are to stay together), but how can I teach the boy? I think he has the strong part down :) - still working on emotionally responsive and other things along those lines. And yes, Edgy Mama - I agree that it's non gender specific. My thoughts and irritations have just been focused on the men lately!

Chad said...

The best way is to lead by example. I try to be as tender and loving with my son as possible, but in the end, I am his father. That brings all the responsibilities of maintaining order and discipline. He has yet to reach that age where kissing me is inappropriate. I'm just waiting for the day he pulls back rather than kiss me goodnight, hello, goodbye or whatever.