Things I learned from my trip to Scotland...

1. Being allowed to take 1 tube of lipstick on board an airplane gets me real excited.
2. Sheep really are stupid.
3. Sheep NEVER stop eating.
4. Climbing straight over steep, rocky paths when one is dressed like the younger son in A Christmas Story is not easy.
5. It really doesn't hurt to fall face forward in heather.
6. It's hard to distinguish between sheep dookie and mud. (and it's nice to travel with a friend who knows the proper way to spell "dookie.")
7. Towel warmers are a gift from the gods. (unless you bend over at the wrong time)
8. Whiskey really is the best way to take off a cold chill.
9. 13th century nuns rocked!
10. Just when you think you miss your 12 year old son, a mischevious spirit (who must be a 12 year old boy) will do all sorts of funny things to your room (hide books, move rocks, change the alarm clock, wet the inside pages of a book, and even keep lifting the toilet seat over and over).
11. Scottish footballers are gifted at running to catch an 8:30am flight while holding a pint - all without spilling one drop.
12. A ferry ride in the pitch dark over very rough waters is more fun than any roller coaster.
13. It's a pleasure to have a full-body collision in the rain with a travelling, long-haired, scruffy bearded Scotsman who is carrying a guitar.
14. We thought we were in heaven in the Inner Hebrides, especially with the gourmet food - but then realized that God wouldn't let us gain weight in heaven.
15. There exists a man who can say "vagina dentata" (Latin for vagina with teeth) without blushing or stuttering.
16. Vagina dentata can be sung to the lively Disney tune "Hakumamatata" from The Lion King. (Check upcoming posts for more on the She-la-na-gig pagan fertility goddess, aka vagina dentata, and what it has to do with ancient Nunnery ruins.)